My Spiritual Journey

Today I returned to the church I went to last Sunday. It would have been easier to sleep in but I am not going to have my feelings dictate to me whether or not I attend church.

Coming back a second time, I talked to a few more people. Everyone is very friendly and loving. The service is what I call real “meat and potatoes”. Solidly based on the Scriptures; just talking about what the word of God is saying.

The music is a guitar and the songs express adoration and worship to Jesus. I was concerned because I didn’t feel a strong passion when singing, even a little indifferent. But I realized that I am there by faith and not feelings

I will continue to go, because, I feel at home and accepted. For awhile, I have had a desire to sing unto the Lord and worship Him with the other believers.

Do you ever feel like the sky is falling in and totally out of your control?  Things happen, life gets in the way.  How do I transfer my spirituality into my everyday life where the rubber hits the road.

Critics have said, “Put a Christian in hot water and their true colours come out”.   What are my true colours? What are yours?

The last few days I have had some pain in my knee.  Last night my daughter noticed that the bathroom ceiling has some mould on the ceiling and is extremely soft to the touch.  In other words, the ceiling is full of water from a leak from the suite above mine and eventually will fall in if not tended to,

I find both of these issues troubling to say the least.  But, here is a test.  How much do I trust God and His omnipresence?  He is everywhere and cares for the sparrow that falls, how much more will He care for me, His Word says  This the whole crux of the matter.  I either believe that the bible is the inspired word of God or I don’t believe that  it is so.  If I believe His Word is true, then I must take his promises literally  His ways are not always my ways.

So what did I do about these two really big issues happening at this time?  I turned them over to God in prayer.  Once I did that I felt settled inside.  The panic mode changed to one of rest and peace. Trust in God and somehow this will work out one way or another.  I took care of the practical, emailed the strata’s management company and had a friend look at the ceiling.  My friend would have noticed the mould if it was there 5 days ago when he was last here,.  So it seems that the water and dampness may have been happening  for awhile.  As for my knee, icing it and taking medication, relieves the symptoms until I see my Doctor. 

So I put the matter in God’s capable hands and let it go?  Well, not quite.  This morning it was the first thing on my mind so I had to turn the issues over to God  yet again.

Today’s reading was in Matthew where Jesus was performing miracles and people were being healed!.  The verse in my Daily Meditation was “Be still, and know that I am God!,”  Psalm 46:10

So I take His word that He is an all powerful God and then I feel peace.  That is really what we all want is to feel, peace and not be anxious and in turmoil over our circumstances.

What a gift, if I only believe.

Today I went to the church I found on google.  I was nervous about attending but I need not have been.  Everyone was friendly and very informal.  It was a relaxed and loving atmosphere.  These people just  sincerely wanted to worship God and learn from the word more of his ways.

The group numbered about 25 with a good mix mostly young but a few elderly as well.  I felt welcome and at home.

We sang and worshipped God for about 20 minutes then had coffee and snacks for about 15 minutes, then the Pastor read from the Bible and shared about it.  The service started at 10:30 and ended at 12.

The church has gone high tech with the music from the computer displayed on a screen in the front.  Much easier than holding a hymn book. The ESV English Standard Version the translation was used.  I may have to let go my hold on King J.  The claim the ESV makes is that it is an accurate translation of the original in everyday English.  Gee, giving up my Thees and Thous may take awhile.

The scripture today from John 7:37-38  “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink.  whosoever believeth in me, as the scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.'”

I don’t know about you but I have a thirst for something more in my life.  I desire to be fulfilled and any emptiness or longing for something more will be filled.  I want more meaning and purpose in my life.

I will come again.  It seems strange for now because I haven’t been attending church regularly for 24 years.  Hopefully it will become once again a central vital part of my life.

Perhaps it was happening all along during the past 24 years,  I did not respond or wasn’t ready to come back.

This year, I started to see signs of God everywhere  Off and on ,I would watch a Christian Program on TV.  I agreed with what I was hearing but never took any positive action.  Then one day they were talking about a book, where a little boy of 4 or 5 years had caught a view of Heaven while he was unconscious.  His story was amazing and he knew things his parents had never told him.  I purchased the book, “Heaven is For Real” and was amazed at this child’s experience.  Another book the program talked about was, ” A Miracle For Jen”.  Jen and her mother were on 100 Huntley Street several times.  Jean also had been in a coma and when she woke up was saying praises to God.  She could hardly speak but when she praised God she was clear and coherent. A shy girl before the accident, now she speaks boldly of the Lord.  I called to donate to the program and to receive the book.  The person on the phone line prayed for me. Reading these two books increased my hunger for God.

Also early in the year, I decided to google my former Pastor’s name and found several hits.  I also discovered that someone had written a book, “Pastor Bob”.  I had to get this book.  The local  Christian book store did not have the book, so I looked on google once again and found a publisher in Ontario who had the book.  I sent for the book.  When it arrived, I read it almost in one day.  I was there for many of those experiences mentioned in the book and knew many of the people mentioned.  I cried many tears when I read the book.  I had such regret, I had wasted the last 24 years.  I could have had a rich and purposeful life had I not strayed from the Lord.

After reading these books and feeling the sorrow and regret over my backsliding, I started looking up churches.  At first, I was trying to find a church that met late, because I attend a breakfast 12 Step meeting every Sunday and it doesn’t end until 10:30.  I only found one such church and it was downtown and quite a large congregation, I considered it but thought there must be something closer and perhaps smaller.  I wanted to be part of a community church, a smaller church nearby.  Still hung up on the time frame, I thought maybe I would have to settle for the church near my breakfast meeting, not very close to home.

One day, visiting my doctor, I saw a large colourful book in the waiting room.  The book, “Why Am I Here?” interested me.  Flipping through it I wanted this book for my coffee table.  I wrote down the information and sent for the book.  I received it very quickly.  It had short stories of peoples’ experiences turning to Jesus, and beautiful pictures of His nature and creation.

I continued searching, I had been reading my bible for about 4 months, while  from hip surgery.  Also I have been praying as well.  Then I started writing out my praises to God.

Still, looking for a church, I googled once again and found a church that had a smaller one not quite in my neighbourhood but a short skytrain and bus ride away.  I emailed the pastor and found out they meet at 10:30 on Sunday mornings and they have a small group of 25.

I’ve now decided that I may have to find another 12 Step Group in order to go to a church I feel at home in.  My desire is to be back in church with other believers.

Tomorrow will be my first time visiting this church.  I will post my experience tomorrow.

Out of necessity at the time, I turned once again to God.

I spent 5 years going to Sunday School faithfully every week and hearing more about Jesus.  By this time I had a Bible that I asked my parents to give me and a New Testament that they gave out in schools in grade 5.  In the back of the bible it was very clearly presented, with scriptures the way to salvation.  There was a place to sign my name and date when I made a decision to receive Christ as my Lord and Saviour.  This was dated January 3, 1958.

One day, I was told we would be moving, I was in the middle of grade five, almost 11 years old. We moved to Burnaby and I found the local Church and started attending Sunday School there.  My new friends, who were not really into going came along.  I joined a young people’s group for girls.  CGIT, (Canadian Girls In Training).  I found it boring after awhile and along with my friends, I would spend time hiding in the bathroom or going to the store across the Street.  We moved again and I stopped going to the groups at the Church shortly afterwards.

During my teen years I never went to Church or recall thinking about God.  I did the usual things teens did during the early 1960’s.  I tried smoking, lied about staying at a friend’s place so I could sleep over night at the Empire Statium to be first in tine to buy my Beatles Ticket for the Concert in August.  I listened to Rock and Roll music and sometimes I read True Confessions Magazines that I hid under my mattress

My friend and I went berry picking and stayed in a cabin with 2 girls of another faith.  My friend was an active Christian, and she would get into discussions with them every evening.  I took it all in, that is, what my friend was saying.  I knew what was Truth when I heard it.  The scripture says, “I am the way, the truth and the life; no man cometh unto the Father but by me”.  John 14:6.

It was to take a few more years for me to reach out to, God.

I eventually met someone at a night club, after I had moved away from home and I lived on my own.  I dated him for two years.  We were married just before my 21st Birthday. Things started to happen in our marriage that I couldn’t understand or fix, although I tried. Being a single parent was not at all common in the 1960s.  So when I discovered I was pregnant, I felt trapped in this scary world, with a husband who was mentally ill. My first daughter was born the following year.

For the first year with a new baby, things went fairly well.  I thought everything would be fine. Shortly after my daughter turned 1 year old, things started to flare up again in our home.  I just couldn’t cope with the emotional roller coaster I was on.  One day thinking everything was fine, then the next, my husband wasn’t well.

Out of necessity, I turned once again to God.

This blog is about my spiritual journey; the past, present and as it unfolds. I am a born again Christian who has wandered away taking detours on more than one occasion from my fellowship with God and I am now finding my way back to communion with Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour.

Some of you will want to pass this after you see the word God or born again. Maybe you are not quite ready to hear God’s still small voice, whatever the reason, just out of curiousity, perhaps you will want to read a little further.

I am talking about God and not Religion. There is a vast difference. I am talking about a living vital relationship with Him and a desire to walk according His will. It is only by the grace of God that I am sitting here writing this today and not you.

I hope some of you will be able to see yourselves in this blog or at least relate to some of my experiences during my detours away from God.

My spiritual journey began when I was a child of six years old. The local church down the street invited the children in the neighbourhood to Sunday School. From the very first, I loved it there. I felt I belonged there. I heard about a God that from whom I would never want for anything. That He was always with me wherever I would go.

How can I know this you ask? How can I prove it? It is by faith as it is written in His Word. Hebrews 11:1 says “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”. There is great comfort in believing in a power greater than me.